Stay at Home Boyfriend

Recently a piece about being a Stay at Home Girlfriend from Brokelyn.com made the rounds. As a stay at home boyfriend myself I figured it'd only be right if I gave my own tips to help my fellow "homeboys" survive.

Don't sleep in (at least as far as she knows): My girlfriend often gets up for work at 6 am and I get up with her. I'll make some coffee, have a bowl of cereal and watch some SportsCenter while she gets ready and then the minute she is out the door it's back into bed until at least noon. It's bad enough I am home all day, no need for her to think I sleep 'til noon, but also no reason for me not to sleep until noon without her knowing.

Clean up after yourself: My girlfriend hates it when she thinks I spent the whole day smoking weed, drinking and eating fast-food, but that doesn't mean I don't do it. The key is after a trip to In-N-Out not only do you have to make sure to throw out the bag, but don't take the chance that she won't look in the garbage. Instead, throw the bag or empty beers into your neighbors trash can. Also, if you're going to smoke weed make sure that you finish the entire bowl, a smart NARC, errr I mean girlfriend, can tell exactly when you smoked that unfinished nug.

Keep yourself up: Nothing pisses off a hard-working girlfriend like coming home and finding you still in your sweats and slippers. So make sure you put on proper clothes before she gets home. The key is not to change last minute though, sometimes she'll come home early so give yourself at least an hour of buffer before she's expected back. Plus, don't forget to brush your teeth. Nothing blows your last minute wardrobe change like having her kiss you when she walks in only to taste a combo of leftover morning breathe, weed, beer and Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Pamper her: One of my fellow "homeboys" buys his girlfriend flowers once a week, personally I don't have the time or money for that sort of thing. But that doesn't mean you can't get her something from time to time if you get creative and know where to look. For example, I like to do my booze shopping at Costco so I can buy in bulk. A lot of times Costco will be selling a handle of tequila or rum that comes with some free glassware so I'll buy that bottle and wrap up the glasses like they are a gift. That way I get my drink on and she gets a little present that I didn't have to pay for.

Sexy Time: Sure, internet porn is a great way to pass the time during a long, boring afternoon, but don't masturbate more than three times in one day. You never know when she's going to come home from a long day and want a little "stress relief", so make sure you've got at least one bullet in the chamber.

Leave the house: Girls are smarter than most of us give them credit for, so make sure you've got all the small details covered. If you drink a six pack and then ditch the empties you may think you haven't left any evidence of your drinking, but don't forget to go out and replace the six pack before she notices they're missing.